Disney Can't Stop Stepping on Rakes

These live-action remakes of Disney classics were supposed to be easy money!

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Disney is a massive company that owns a huge chunk of the entertainment business (ABC, ESPN, Fox, Pixar, Marvel, Hulu, LucasFilm…) with countless revenue streams, so it’s impossible to generalize about their business strategy. Yet at least in the film division, one of their major initiatives these past few years has been pushing low-energy “live-action” remakes of their back catalogue.

I’m thinking specifically of Jungle Book, Jungle Cruise (technically based on a ride, but I count it), the two Lion King movies (which are hilariously not even live action, just a more realistic-looking animation), and the upcoming Lilo & Stitch (ditto on the animation thing). You can watch the trailer for that below, if you dare.

Oh, and everyone forgets that in 2019, they made a live-action Aladdin movie starring Will Smith directed by Guy Ritchie. It sounds like a joke but it was real.

ANYWAY, that strategy continues through this week, when Snow White, starring Rachel Zegler and Gal Gadot and directed by Marc Webb, is scheduled to have its premiere on Saturday. Well, it still is, but, as Variety notes, the premiere will be notably “scaled back.” Instead of the big red carpet celebration with all the trimmings, like normal, “coverage will be limited to photographers and a house crew.”

Kind of wild when you aren’t even prepared to field questions from the kind of hand-picked junket journalists who normally attend movie premieres. They aren’t exactly known for being Woodward and Bernstein. So, what’s with the sheepish roll out?

Oh, haha. All of the reasons.

You might remember, this was a movie that was getting shit on basically as soon as it was announced, with Peter Dinklage spouting off about the “Dwarfs” part on a podcast:

“Literally no offense to anything, but I was sort of taken aback,” Dinklage said. “They were very proud to cast a Latino actress as Snow White, but you’re still telling the story of ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.’ Take a step back and look at what you’re doing there. It makes no sense to me. You’re progressive in one way, but you’re still making that fucking backward story about seven dwarfs living in a cave together?”

Disney immediately backpedaled (you fools! never let the mob smell fear!), coming up with a classic corporate “solution” guaranteed to please no one:

“To avoid reinforcing stereotypes from the original animated film, we are taking a different approach with these seven characters and have been consulting with members of the dwarfism community. We look forward to sharing more as the film heads into production after a lengthy development period,” Disney said in a statement shared with TheWrap.

Instead of dwarfs, Disney will fill the void with a group of what they describe as “magical creatures,” according to casting sheets that TheWrap has seen.

Yes, they eliminated seven jobs for LPs using CGI, because of wokeness or whatever. Great work! Didn’t even need AI to do away with those jobs. Hope some exec got a raise for that. And if it was actually an algorithm… promote that algorithm! Botty needs a new pair of screws.

Oh, but what was that about a Latina Snow White? (Zegler is half Colombian).

Some toxic Disney fans questioned Snow White being played by Zegler when her casting was announced because she is a Latina actor. The “West Side Story” star also faced backlash when she called the 1937 original “dated” because the prince “literally stalks Snow White.” [Variety]

I don’t know why that last part is so funny but it is. Do we know if there was also an age gap? I bet that Prince was a groomer!

In an interview with Variety at D23 two years ago, Zegler said, “She’s not going to be saved by the prince. She’s not going to be dreaming about true love. She’s dreaming about becoming the leader she knows she can be.”

Girlboss Snow White! Much empowerment! Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most baddest business owning bitch of them all?

But let’s be honest, no one cares about this level of controversy anymore. Possibly not even Disney, who are always getting it from both sides. Where MAGA chuds see Disney enforcing Hollyweird wokeness, leftists see cynical soulless PR sanitizing unchecked monopoly. But Donald Trump is president again, and we’re allowed to say all the light slurs. Everyone says so! Celebrities are shaking hands with Andrew Tate in public now! No chance anyone’s scaling back premieres over LP issues or Latino representation.

Given all that, what was the real problem?

World politics have also come into play. Zegler has promoted “free Palestine” on social media. At the same time, Gadot, who is Israeli, has become an outspoken supporter of Israel on social media as well as in a passionate speech she delivered on March 4 when she was honored at the Anti-Defamation League’s annual summit in New York City. “Never did I imagine that on the streets of the United States, and different cities around the world, we would see people not condemning Hamas, but celebrating, justifying and cheering on a massacre of Jews,” she said, in part. [Variety, emphasis mine]

Ohhhhhh right, that. Now it makes sense.

This is the same ADL, by the way, that this week came out in support of the detention of Mahmoud Khalil, a Palestinian-American student protestor with a green card who hasn’t been charged with a crime. Anti-Defamation League, more like Pro-Deportation League!

Gadot has not yet weighed in on that one, as far as I can tell. But given that her ADL speech was just a week ago, it might seem like a fair question, even for junket journalists.

MAGA supporters also blasted Zegler for her reaction to Donald Trump’s reelection when she posted on Instagram, in part, “May Trump supporters and Trump voters and Trump himself never know peace.” She apologized for her remarks two days later. [Variety]

That last part seems neither here nor there, but acknowledging which of these two of had to quickly apologize does speak volumes. By the way, if you Google “Gal Gadot apologizes,” you see a lot of articles about that “Imagine” cover.

In the wake of the Khalil detention, one of the most nakedly authoritarian moves I’ve seen in my lifetime (which I also say as a Columbia alum), not a lot of stories have made me smile. But I have to say, watching Disney throw a hush-hush premiere for their latest lazy remake of their back catalogue, because their hand-picked stars might not agree on Palestine is one of them. They tried to make the easiest money they could in the most non-controversial manner possible, and somehow still managed to bumble into the one political issue that’s still legitimately divisive. Folks… you love to see it.

There are times when writing about movies and entertainment and the entertainment industry like I do seems so frivolous that I find myself questioning why I even do it. Aren’t there more important things to worry about? The answer is always yes, even when everything doesn’t feel like it’s on fire (literally or figuratively). And yet, pop-culture is often an ideal window into society’s collective subconscious. And sometimes… just sometimes… movie news is frivolous in exactly the way you need.

Oh, and as long as I’m posting things that made me happy, please enjoy this recent Connor O’Malley video, “Pipe Rock Theory,” which had me legitimately howling with laughter.

Touch grass, everyone. Top Chef Power Rankings return tomorrow.