New Movie Poster Round Up -- May 8th, 2023

New posters for Christopher Nolan's 'Oppenheimer,' Pixar's 'Elemental,' Charlie Day's directorial debut and more.

Welcome to the New Movie Poster Round Up, the feature in which we go through all the week’s new movie posters and read way too much into them.

I saw a trailer for this Grand Turismo movie the other day, and it seems like the platonic ideal of a videogame adaptation. “What if GAMING meant you could actually do the stuff??”

I have a feeling my stepson and nephews are going to love it. Also, as a dad I am genetically predisposed towards car racing movies now, I have given up fighting it. Is there any bigger gulf between how cool movies about the thing are vs. how interesting that thing is in real life than car racing? Car racing movies are always weirdly good. Ford Vs. Ferrari? Incredible dad movie.

Anyway, this is a straightforward poster that conveys the basic idea of the movie pretty well. That being said I find myself being weirdly focused on this guy’s rectangular haircut. His head looks like the eraser end of a pencil. That round helmet is never going to fit on there.

Also, what is going on with Orlando Bloom’s eyeline? Is he supposed to be looking off at the horizon, visionarily? Clearly he is the unorthodox mentor and David Harbour is the disapproving one. Good cop/bad cop situation.

Obligatory observation:

They were also SO CLOSE to having the names lined up correctly.

Stop the presses, a true story, you say? I don’t believe it. Too insane.

This is a better eyeline for Orlando Bloom. He really has that “paddleboarding naked with a 3/4ths boner” look in his eye. I’m going to photoshop that picture in here as soon as I find the time.

“Based on the insane true story of Orlando Bloom’s mostly tumescent penis!”

Does Stephen King have a bespoke font? It feels like either Stephen King has his own font that couldn’t be enlarged or the poster designer was trying to downplay King’s contractually-mandated above-the-title credit here. Seems like a lot of different fonts in general. I’m getting strong word art/yard sign vibes.

iN tHiS hOuSE wE…

sLeEP wItH oUR eArRIngS sTiLL iN

pHoToShOP cOVerS oVEr OuR fAce

LeaVE tHE cLOseT dOOrs oPEn

Is that Dark Brandon in the closet? The internet has ruined my brain.

I was about to hit “send” when I caught this late-breaking new poster for Meg 2: The Trench. If The Meg famously asked “what if shark big?” Its sequel seems to ask, “what if big shark even more big?”

Anyway, great poster. The draw of these movies clearly isn’t so much the shark, but the montage of people in imminent danger of getting eaten by the shark. They just keep putting in more shots — silly little dog on a dock, sex-crazy teens flirting in the waves, a boorish overweight dad yelling at his dumb kids, an imperious aristocrat type yelling at the help — and you sort of sit there taking bets on who’s getting the chomp-chomp. Great fun!

Also, did you know this is being directed by Ben Wheatley?? As in, the guy who directs trippy, psychological thrillers? That sounds… very weird. Weird cool? I am intrigued.

That is a hell of a cast. The poster is cool enough, but maybe it kind of takes away from the draw of that cast? I had to use process of elimination to determine that the guy in the pith helmet with the circle beard was Jason Sudeikis.

Oppenheimer promises to be the dad movie of the summer. The “sparks” guy really outdid himself on the poster too.

Oppenheimer also has a new, extended trailer. No sense not posting that one here too, I suppose:

Matt Damon gets a wonderful trailer line here: “This is the most important thing to ever happen in the history of the world!”

Phew, I was wondering what the stakes were. Anyway, as a dad, I am naturally horny for this one. Fully embonered.

I am pre-cum death, destroyer of underwear…

God, I’m never going to get a real job.

Pretty cool new poster for The Flash, heavily reminiscent of Man Of Steel with that desaturated, magical photorealist look to it. I dig it.

All I know is that this movie must really good for them to keep putting up with Ezra Miller getting arrested every other week during the rollout. Not a lot of actors get away with a years long, three-continent-spanning crime spree. That official statement about Miller’s “complex mental health issues” felt like a layup.

“Oh, so you’re saying you were suffering some mental illness issues, were you? Hold on, I’m writing this down…”

We haven’t heard about them (Ezra Miller, that is) in at least three months now, which seems like a good sign that whatever help they’re getting is actually taking. So… you know, that’s good.

Solid, straighforward poster for this one. Maybe the most straightforward poster. They’re definitely not playing coy with the concept on this one. I just want to know what they have against the Oxford Comma.

Being able to play Gandhi and Salvador Dalí? That’s range, baby! Something about the same guy playing both feels wrong, and yet when it’s Ben Kingsley it’s right. I’d watch Special K paint a house.

And from the director of American Psycho? Shut up and take my money! Oh no, the money is turning into raindrop and spilling off the counter!

This poster is basically the opposite of The Angry Black Girl And Her Monster. I have no idea what it’s about, or how the imagery relates to the title, and yet I find myself weirdly intrigued. A John Waters pullquote goes a long way in that regard. At this point I think I’m more excited about movies John Waters says are good than actual John Waters movies (discuss?). A successful endorsement, in any case.

Less successful: Putting red text on a red background. It’s not just my colorblindness talking here, right? That’s really hard to see?

Good thing they put that name tag in there, otherwise I’m not sure I’d know that the girl holding a crossbow on the poster for The Wrath of Becky was Becky.

(*whispers to date*) “That’s Becky.”

You think Seann William Scott voices the dog in this, or what? I’d watch that. “Arf arf, it’s me, Stifler!”

I think this is my pick for “Poster of the Week.” I love everything about this, from the 80s skateboard movie font to the shag carpet made of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to the Sistine Chapel motif (is the carpet and pose also a Burt Reynolds reference?). Is he teaching Cheeto fingers with the God of Extreme Flavor? I like to think so.

They say this movie has more extreme flavor than an entire hovel full of Medieval peasants would get in an entire lifetime (which is to say approximately 27 years).

This is one of a couple new posters for Pixar’s Elemental. The posters are cool enough, but is it just me or does this look like an even crappier version of Inside Out? Oooh, the emotions are “elements” now, brilliant job, guys.

Ha, try and get me fired for saying that now, Disney! I don’t even have a real job anymore! (Does anyone have any leads? Please, my children are starving.)

Ha, the cloud has a Broccoli haircut. I guess the Water Guy kind of does too, come to think of it. Just my luck that all the “cool haircuts for guys with curly hair in the front” only get popular after I get old and married.

This is an absolutely glorious poster for a movie I get the sense not many people are going to see. With all due respect to the god Dermot Mulroney, of course. “Dermot Mulroney.” That’s such a cool name. Incredible mouthfeel.

Not much to add to this poster for the 4K release of The Wicker Man (the 1973 one, not the aughts remake in which Nic Cage punches a woman while dressed as a bear, which is one of the best bad movies you’ll ever see). This is a beautiful poster that I would absolutely hang on the wall. That is, if my wife (*Borat*) would let me. Spoiler alert: she would not.

[all posters via IMPAwards]