Tito Ortiz Fights A Charles Bronson Impersonator And This Week In Movie Posters
Rodney Alcala's Dating Game appearance, the week's new posters, and the Lion King just won't die.
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We are so back! I promised that I would try to be more regular with my This Week In Movie Posters schedule, and that lasted almost one week! Ah, well. Better late than never. Some brief notes before we dive in:
Tales From The Browser Tabs
Tito Ortiz is in a movie with a Charles Bronson impersonator.
Stupid Substack won’t let me embed Twitter video here so you’ll have to click away, but I’m willing to take the risk. Here’s some footage of Tito Ortiz starring in 12 to Midnight, alongside Robert Bronzi, who is a Hungarian Charles Bronson impersonator. Apparently it’s about werewolves.
The best parts of this clip are: 1. Tito Ortiz’s attempt at a Southern accent, and 2. the fact that both actors are drinking a Corona the entire time. Here’s the trailer, which I can embed:
This whole thing feels like an I Think You Should Leave bit. Scuzi, ma’am. Parta-ner say da werewoolf ate-a ju mahther in law?
The original footage of serial killer Rodney Alcala’s Dating Game appearance is now online.
Remember Woman of the Hour? That was Anna Kendrick’s directorial debut about Rodney Alcala, the so-called “Dating Game Killer,” starring Kendrick as Cheryl Bradshaw, the aspiring actress who chose Alcala on an episode of the Dating Game. The actual footage of that appearance was thought to be lost to time, but the full episode has since been uploaded to YouTube, by a user who said he’d been using it in his deviant behavior class.
The outlet that wrote it up described the footage as “terrifying,” but I watched it all and there wasn’t anything about Alcala that made him seem distinctly different from anyone else. Just seemed like a kinda dopey, boring guy sitting next to two other, kinda dopey, boring guys. If there’s anything “terrifying” about it (in a vacuum), it’s how bad and corny seventies TV was. “Sex pun didn’t work? Ah well, try another.”
This Week In Movie Posters
Welcome to the This Week In Movie Posters, the feature in which we go through all the week’s new movie posters and read way too much into them. Blessed are the paid subscribers, as without them, none of this would be possible. All posters via IMPA.
Jack Huston! Remember him? I feel like he hit a high water mark as Richard Harrow in Boardwalk Empire and hasn’t quite gotten back since. In any case, easily one of the more tolerable nepo babies. And speaking of Boardwalk Empire, it looks like he cast Michael Pitt in the lead (I’m assuming that silhouette is Pitt, he’s the only actor whose lips would be identifiable in a silhouetted profile). Maybe Pitt wasn’t as hard to work with as everyone said?
I can’t quite tell what the movie is about from the poster. Any bets? I’m guessing fighting, or possibly fucking. Probably both?
Follows a once renowned boxer as he takes a redemptive journey through his past and present, on the day of his first fight since he left prison. [IMDB]
A boxer looking for his shot at redemption! Dang it, I was close.
Here’s one of a big new batch of character posters for Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu, certainly one of the movies I’m most looking forward to. The posters look like they’re trying to do the laser eyes from the Dark Brandon memes. I hope it works out better for them than for Joe Brandon.
How are we feeling about Lily-Rose Depp? She certainly committed hard in The Idol, but I don’t know if I’m quite ready to see her as something besides Johnny Depp’s daughter.
This guy with the backpack makes me think this is going to be a documentary in which he travels from place to place giving very important talks. But not in a dorky way, because he’s only using one backpack strap. One strap is the AC Slater sitting backwards on a chair of backpack styles.
Anyway, I’m getting “documentary that premieres on CNN.”
Unexpected Peace follows social anthropologist Jonathan Bornman as he explores three stories: the Amish school shooting in Nickle Mines, Pa.; the murders of Murid (Sufi Muslim) migrants from Senegal in Harlem, New York; and Muslim-Christian conflict in Solo, Indonesia. In each case, communities responded to horrific acts of violence with forgiveness and actions of nonviolence. The camera captures the spirit, context, and energy of these places and people, and Bornman's quest reveals nonviolent and community peace-building practices that offer unexpected alternatives to violence. [IMDB]
Sure? I feel like they’re using that “fist into palm” imagery as a way to evoke stopping violence, but it also looks like that salute kung fu guys do right before they beat your ass. Not sure that part was intentional.
Elevation. “Don’t go down without a fight.”
Is that a play on words? Kinda! Too subtle? Maybe they should’ve gone with “Don’t go up without a fight?”
I like how the snowflakes take the place of sparks. Sparks are dad-movie poster shorthand for “lots of action.”
Just line up the god damn names, Jesus Christ. Especially for a poster like this, where everything else is almost crushingly literal. While we’re at it, maybe match up the sight lines. It looks like he’s staring at the part in her hair.
I can’t read this title without hearing it in Creed voice. That aside, I don’t have the slightest inkling what this is about. I’m going to say… it’s a thriller… and someone has been kidnapped?
Ally escapes an abusive relationship but hallucinates about her abuser. She receives cryptic messages suggesting he's nearby. As the messages intensify and her reality unravels, Ally realizes the truth may be closer than she thought. [IMDB]
Mmm, sure. Mom called it “psychologically taut.”
Is that Robbie Williams? I’m going to be honest, I only kind of sort of know what Robbie Williams even looks like. He’s one of those celebrities that all British people seem to know and Americans can’t figure out why. It’s a secret club they’re all part of.
But hey, cool poster! Futura font! “Fame makes monkeys of us all.”
Sorry, man, that’s clearly an ape. Gonna need you to rewrite this pun so that it’s biologically accurate.
A singular profile of British pop superstar Robbie Williams. [IMDB]
Ahh. Hmmm. I don’t think this is going to translate. I probably need a remedial course on who Robbie Williams even is before I start trying to parse monkey metaphors. I’m goin’ ape for British crooners over here!