Top Chef Power Rankings, Week 4

Sometimes two Frank Lloyd Wrights do make a wrong.

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“We’re here to talk to you about your car’s extended warranty.” (David Moir/Bravo)

This week’s Top Chef gave us my very favorite kind of challenge: the dish meant to convey non-food inspiration. Sure, any chef can use a five-course tasting menu to tell a story of their personal journey from the saltpeter mines of Togo to the kitchens of Noma or whatever, but can you make a dish celebrating the trailblazing sports excellence of Babe Didrikson-Zaharias??? (People never believe me when I point out that this was a real challenge).

Waiter! I would like your finest homage to the pre-Columbian whaling vessels of Ecuador! And quickly, our party is famished!

Yes, this week’s episode ditched the Quickfire Challenge completely in order to devote full attention to the elimination challenge: dishes meant to evoke the legacy of America’s most famous architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. Mmm, open floor plans, delicious.

In order to get properly inspired, the chefs were meant to traverse the “Frank Lloyd Wright Trail” from Milwaukee to Madison, Wisconsin. Were people aware of this trail before? Route 66 it ain’t.

Their journey would take them from the public housing of Milwaukee to Monona Terrace and the UNESCO world heritage site of Taliesin, the palatial estate where Frank Lloyd Wright lived and worked, embarking upon numerous torrid love affairs with voluptuous communists in between drafting his revolutionary dwelling spaces (I’m assuming here, no one has made an Oppenheimer-style movie about Frank Lloyd Wright yet).

The chefs would learn all about Wright’s cherished ideals, like celebrating the natural environment, “compress and release”-style ceilings, celebrating imperfection, and a bunch of other stuff it seems like he kinda stole from the Japanese (this is wabi-sabi, you clown!). The chefs were meant to take this all in and produce, in teams of two, “two dishes inspired by Frank Lloyd Wright and the theme of duality.”

Here’s the chefs trying to make sense of the challenge:

Duality, huh? Personally, I would’ve made a kebab shaped like a peace sign and then drew “BORN TO KILL” next to it in garlic sauce.

Another option: lasagna. It’s terraced, like FLW architecture. It’s got little rounded ruffles on the edges, like Wright’s Monona Terrace building, and it naturally lends itself to Frank Lloyd Wright’s signature color pop, Cherokee Red (hey, are we, uh… still allowed to say that?). Plus, Garfield loves it.

Not only was it to be a team challenge, it was to be a team elimination. That meant one entire team had immunity from last episode (Michelle, whose immunity transferred to her partner, Charly) and another entire team would be going home. With 12 chefs remaining and one entire team set to go home, that basically meant they had a 20% chance of being eliminated.

Sadly, with the exception of one team, it seemed like none of these idiots could Frank Lloyd Wright-up their food for shit. Morons! It’s like you’ve never cooked food meant to evoke a dead mid-century architect before!

It was a brilliantly impossible challenge, engineered for maximum drama. And yet, it ended up being mostly anti-climactic. It was clear early on which team of chefs would be going home, judging solely by how much they seemed to hate each other. Knowing most of those interviews are recorded after the fact, you had to assume a bad result. If it had been a good one, they probably would’ve been a lot chummier during the post-mortem interviews. As such, the entire final 30 minutes of show were basically a fait accompli.

Still, there was something beautiful about the reflexive, petty dislike the two losing chefs seemed to have for one another. It wasn’t like they had drastically different ideals or incompatible politics either, they just seemed to shit each other (in Australian parlance) at a cellular level. I love that. Nothing more human hating someone just because.

This intro is already way too long, but I have to reserve some praise for Kristen Kish. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss Padma’s ability to get slightly tipsy and make everything sound like a sexual innuendo, but I can’t help but appreciate Kristen’s intense big dick energy (or whatever less corny phrase describes the same quality). She has a way of walking into a room and effortlessly filling up the space. Which is a feat for someone who looks like she’s 98 pounds.

Kristen’s effortless bossness may not be as funny as Padma’s quips or Tom’s professorial bitchiness, but there’s a charm to it all the same.

RESULTS:

Winning Team: Danny, Rasika*.
Losing Team: Alisha, Kaleena. (both eliminated)

*Winner.

12: (-4) ((Eliminated)) Alisha Elenz

AKA: Avril. Mrs. Skin. Croqueta. Shari Aioli.

Nooo, not Avril! What will we do without her spunky bows and cynical quips?

The Mall Punk and the Hall Monitor were a classic oil-and-water pairing this week, and it was beautiful and painful to watch in equal measure. Hopefully they learned a valuable lesson about not choosing a partner based on whoever happens to be standing next to you.

Some of their classic exchanges (after discovering that Frank Lloyd Wright was a Gemini, from the show’s resident astrologer, Amanda):

ALISHA: I’ve always hated Geminis.
KALEENA: …I’m a Gemini.

Normally, reality show editors have to cut together an exchange like that. This one just happened organically. Another one, during a dual interview:

ALISHA: I’m sorry, I just touched your foot.
KALEENA: …Don’t do that.

God, they hated each other. Much was made of this clash, and yet, if either of them had cooked something halfway decent they’d probably still be in the competition, intense dislike or not. For her part, Avril cooked, er, prepared up an Aguachile. Which is to say, a ceviche or crudo by another name. On Top Chef that always seems like the path of least resistance, but perhaps they’ve been reading this and were trying to defy me. This time, a crudo triumph was not to be.

It was hard to tell what was even going on with this dish. Avril started out saying she wanted to make a scallop aguachile. Then there was a shot of her shucking a bunch of oysters. But then when the dish came out, it looked like poached shrimp on top of cucumber medallions topped by salmon eggs in a sea of green liquid. I think she said something about the oyster liquid being in the sauce, but what happened to the scallop plan? And where did all those actual oysters go? WHERE ARE THE OYSTERS, ALISHA???

REVIEWS: "Alisha's dish... I"m really disappointed." "This is like a first-year culinary student trying to make a fancy dish." “Everything is clashing.”

11: (-2) ((Eliminated)) Kaleena Bliss

AKA: Nickname. Khaleesi. K-Bliss. B-Train.

Maybe it was the editing, but to me B-Train seemed like the team member “making it weird” most often. Like the foot thing. It’s weird to respond to an apology with “don’t do that.” Isn’t an apology basically already saying “I will no longer do that?’” We needed a foot cam to truly understand the level of faux pas here. A faux paw, if you will.

Also, when they were trying to decide on a concept, Kaleena and Alisha couldn’t seem to agree on whether the duality should be “land and sea” or “land and water,” (probably since the body of water that inspired the idea was a lake, not the sea). Kaleena’s argument was “I dunno, ‘water’ reminds me of like a water faucet.”

There’s constructive criticism and then there’s “water reminds me of a water faucet.” I feel like this was every piece of feedback from my copywriting days.

Anyway, Kaleena tried to do a mushroom and goat cheese cheesecake, with candied mushrooms and spruce syrup (her attempt to evoke “land”). That sounded super weird and not great to me, if suitably evocative of “land”. But it did look properly cheffy on the plate. Unfortunately, Special K had to stick her whole cheesecake in the freezer in order for it to get properly set. The cake still didn’t set and she ended up with adamantium crust that the chef’s flimsy steel utensils just boinged right off of. Sad.

REVIEWS: "I like the mushroom cheesecake idea, but that bottom crust is just so bad." "It’s like hard tack."

(This may be the first time in recorded history that anyone has uttered the phrase “I like the mushroom cheesecake idea.”)

10: (+2) Charly Pierre

AKA: Carmen. The Creamy Bandit.

Charly still seems like one of the most likable chefs in the competition, which is probably why Michelle chose him as a partner. It’s hard to be stressed out when Charly is around. It was nice for Charly too, because it meant he got immunity by proxy. I don’t want to say that he needed it (Team Kaleesha was going home no matter what), but I’m still waiting for the judges to offer some unqualified praise for anything Charly makes.

He also ran out of squirt juice for his egg foam (your dish relies on a cream whipper and you didn’t stash an extra one in your pocket? come on, man!), but it was unclear how much that was a factor.

Incidentally, his team’s choice of “duality” was “the chicken and the egg.”

Which ended up backfiring somewhat when Tom questioned whether Charly’s was truly an “egg dish.” Left unasked was the question of how the fuck “the chicken and the egg” represents “duality.” I think that’s more like… inevitability? The time travel paradox? Evolution? Probably not “duality” though.

DISH: Djon Djon, egg mousse, pickled mushooms and peas.

REVIEWS: "The seasoning is really good." "Technically I think there were a lot of flaws, but it was just really satisfying." “Is this an egg dish? No, this is a rice dish."

9: (+1) Laura Ozyilmaz

AKA: Yogurt Soup. Zed. Z-Squared. Ozyilmandias. Oz-matazz. The Wizard of Ozyilmaz. Wild Pistachio.

Z-Squared joined up with Savannah this week, a team seemingly destined for the middle, which was exactly where they ended up. It seemed like Oz-matazz sorta got dragged down by her partner, who consistently misinterpreted the first part of the concept of “compress and release” as something that was meant to make you “uncomfortable.”

I don’t… think that’s what “compress” was supposed to mean? I think it’s more meant to go from cozy to spacious, but hey, I’m not an architect, I’m not even wearing underwear right now.

If Savannah sort of blew the conceptual interpretation of the challenge, Oz-matazz sandbagged her in turn by busting out the “wild pistachio,” a spice she apparently brought from home. How that helped them evoke “compress and release” is anyone’s guess.

Things getting overly convoluted was a shame for Z-Squared, considering she made some kind of baklava situation, the lone dish that actually looked to me like both recognizable food and something actually evoking Frank Lloyd Wright architecture. (What is baklava, after all, if not a kind of Turkish dessert lasagna?)

DISH: Filo, pistachios, pistachio foam, and raspberry sauce.

REVIEWS: "I like the story but I feel confused." “I found it incredibly sweet.” It was a little of the sweet side, but it was good.”

8: (+3) Kevin D'Andrea

AKA: Le Kevin. VousTube. Un Trevail. Monsieur Brie-st.

Le Kevin brought his tightest pants this week and partnered up with Manny, his fellow resident of the bottom tranche of chefs from last week. Two guys on the bottom? Team Power Bottom, they declared themselves. Hey, come on, guys, save some gay sex jokes for me, will ya?

This was Le Kevin and Big Manny coming up with “Team Power Bottom”

This was them learning it would be a double elimination challenge:

Their chosen “duality” for the challenge was “light and dark.” Le Kevin represented the “dark side.” “I have a darkness inside me for sure,” Le Kevin quipped.

Funny, I never got that from the guy with the fluffy hair and spotless white kicks. Is “goth hypebeast” a thing?

Anyway, Le Kevin went straightforward, with dark chocolate representing “darkness.” It was nicely literal, this being the Midwest and all. He actually made the stronger of the two dishes, and likely saved their asses from elimination, even if his explanation of how triangles are strong and his dish was meant to convey that people need to come together in times like these managed to evoke neither duality nor Frank Lloyd Wright.

What in God’s name was he even saying up there?

I don’t know how much longer our beautiful pageant boy can keep dragging himself above the cut line on the strength of his desserts, but I like that he’s around, for entertainment purposes.

DISH: Warm praline chocolate mousse and Mexican vanilla ice cream.

REVIEWS: "I thought that Kevin's dessert was actually just delicious."

7: (even) Savannah Miller

AKA: Funko. Peepers. Sporty Spice. Fryer Tuck. Big Pun.

It was kind of amazing watching Sporty Spice talk herself into a dish that was intended to make the judges feel “uncomfortable.” Talk about an unforced error. She could be the first chef in history ever to specialize in Discomfort Food! Mac & Cheese & Eggshell! Chicken n’ Dumplings n’ Tiny Rocks! Just like mom used to make!

Oz-Matazz even managed to talk her into using the Wild Pistachio, a spice Savannah described thusly: “My grandma smoked cigarettes, and it reminds me of my grandma.”

Well sure, who wouldn’t want to eat something that smelled like their grandma?

DISH: Dry aged ribeye, with tempura maitake, beet and daikon oroshi and wild pistachio sauce.

REVIEWS: “Savannah's dish needed acid.” "The concept went over my head." "I like the story but I feel confused."

6: (-1) Manny Barella

AKA: Manny. El Cid Vicious. Brawny. The Curdler.

I still love Big Manny and want to imagine that he’s a favorite, but he’s making it hard these last two weeks. We all know those classic Top Chef truisms — don’t make a risotto, no duos or trios, and you’re not here to make friends. I think a new one needs to be “don’t attempt French shit unless you’re really good at French shit.”

These chefs have probably all had to make and eat countless French shit over the years, do you really think they’re going to be impressed with yours if that’s not in your wheelhouse?

Manny this week attempted some kind of farce-stuffed pasta in the shape of a flower, despite the fact that he’s a Mexican chef who specializes in Mexican food and has had great success with it. Not to mention the fact that a bunch of chefs attempted stuffed pasta in episode one and most of them failed at it. You couldn’t think of anything Mexican that evoked Frank Lloyd Wright? Come on, man! A terraced tostada! That was right there, it’s even fun to say! Hey, I’m just spitballing here.

Manny’s dish was also supposed to invoke the “light” side of the “light and dark” duality, and chicken-mousse-stuffed pasta isn’t exactly the first thing that comes to mind when I think “light.”

DISH: Chicken and mushroom fiore(?), sauce poulet, au vin jaune.

REVIEW: "This pasta is just not made well at all."

5: (+1) Amanda Turner

AKA: Daria. LAN Party. Milton. Grimace.

Amanda seemed like she turned the Daria dial up to 11 this week. Luckily for her, she also seemed to cement her upward trajectory from underdog to favorite. She teamed up with Dan on “Team Nerd.” Dan seems way too fashion forward to achieve True Nerd Status, but luckily Daria was nerdy enough for both of them.

Their chosen duality was “poverty and wealth,” which is exactly the kind of straightforward, on-the-nose inspiration a focus group of half-drunk foodies can actually understand. That’s how you play the game!

Amanda took the “wealth” side of the duality and managed to cook a dish full of caviar and lobster without screwing any of it up. A lot of times, that’s all you need on this show.

DISH: Angel hair pasta, caviar, something something I couldn’t read because my watermark was in the way and seafood broth.

REVIEWS: "The seafood was cooked really nicely." "The pasta is made well." "I think both Dan and Amanda overthought making the dish look deconstructed when it really didn't need to be."

4: (-1) Dan Jacobs

AKA: Handsome Dan. Froggy Fresh. Kermit. Frames. Jordache Peterson. The Gipper. Two Frames.

I celebrate any chef who gives me obvious screencaps and nickname fodder. Here we have Handsome Dan handing us “Two Frames” on a silver platter:

YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, if Daria worked smarter, Dan definitely worked harder. He chose the poverty side of the equation and put together some kind of leek cannelloni with a mousse, a tuile, little crispy stuff — basically everything in the molecular tweezer chef bag of tricks, all made out of potatoes and leeks and potato skins. Buddha Lo was a guest judge, and you know his dick gets hard every time he sees a soft food shaped into a fancy mold.

Amanda helped Dan use the liquid nitrogen to get his leek stuff cold enough to turn into recognizable cannelloni but ended up getting dinged for the leek not being cooked enough, so it’s hard to say whether she helped or hurt. It also didn’t really look like recognizable food, but it did look like he tried really hard. A for effort! Solid B+, anyway.

DISH: Leek cannelloni (something something my watermark was covering it) pickle and kombu salad.

REVIEWS: "I like his story. I like what he was thinking." "The problem with the dish is the leek needed to be cooked more, and these little crisps are very salty."

3: (+1) Danny Garcia

AKA: Grok. Squeaky. Brooklyn. Stretch.

Danny quickly revealed that his father is an architect and ended up on a team with his running buddy, Rasika, both of whom had worked at the French Laundry. It was like an Odd Couple pairing of Felix and Felix (I just had to Google “which guy was the clean one in The Odd Couple?”). Of course they couldn’t lose.

My man Danny busted out an actual ruler to make sure that his vegetable cuts were all precisely two millimeters. I think Danny was potty trained at gunpoint. Btw, I hope they gave all their wasted vegetable shavings to David to make a pizza out of (RIP, wherever he is).

Team Tightass’s concept was “seemingly similar, but strikingly different” and they sure nailed that visually. Even if it didn’t look, at least to my eyes, anything like food.

Excuse me, waiter? I would like your finest egg-shaped mousse with extra vegetable stripes.

DISH: Scallop mousse, zucchini, and green chartreuse.

2: (-1) Michelle Wallace

AKA: Pitmaster. Soundbite. Levee.

Even acknowledging that Chef Michelle is killing it in this competition, I feel like she missed her true calling as a poet. She entered this episode with immunity, quipping “I don't know why this was aligned, why the Lord allowed it, but I'm happy I have immunity.”

She’s just kind of effortlessly eloquent like that. Anyone got a food pun on “Maya Angelou?”

To add to the Michelle canon along with “toasted corn kernel and crab biscuit with spicy High Life honey butter” and “saag paneer collard greens,” this week she gave us “chicken-fried chicken skin.”

Even if “the chicken and the egg” had nothing to do with duality, Michelle just can’t help creating dishes that sound really good.

DISH: Mushroom biscuit, chicken liver mousse, sous vide chicken breast, chicken fried chicken skin, and stewed apples.

1: (+1) Rasika Venkatesa

AKA: Party Nerd. The Imp. Evil Elf. Shenanigans.

While both Rasika and Danny made suspended egg orbs with vegetable stripes, only Rasika actually succeeded in making it fit her food point of view (high-end Tamil cuisine). Being able to Tamil-up your vegetable stripes is a crucial skill in this competition.

Damn, I can’t believe there’s a Tamil chef in the competition the first year Padma isn’t around to nitpick it. She better be back to guest judge one of the pre-finale episodes.

Also, am I crazy for thinking Rasika and Danny look like they could be siblings?

Same build, same glasses frame shapes, they’re even mirroring! They crushed the food competition, but I suspect they would’ve been even more dominant if it would’ve had an athletic component.

I’ve liked the cut of Rasika’s jib since episode 1, even when she wasn’t winning. Right now it almost feels like a two-way race between her and Michelle. Classic battle of fancy vs. rustic shaping up! Time will tell!

DISH: Daal quenelle, pickled beets, carrot purée, and rasam.

REVIEWS: "It looked architectural when it came to the table. It felt designed." "I loved the level of spice and acidity."