Your 2024 Oscars Drinking Game

The stars are out tonight, might as well make things interesting.

Welcome to The #Content Report, a newsletter by Vince Mancini. I’ve been writing about movies, culture, and food since the aughts. Now I’m delivering it straight to you, with none of the autoplay videos, takeover ads, or chumboxes of the ad-ruined internet. Support my work and help me bring back the cool internet by subscribing, sharing, commenting, and keeping it real.

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Photo by Mirko Fabian on Unsplash

That’s right, folks, it’s finally Oscars week. And it feels… late, doesn’t it? My research tells me that March 10th is actually earlier in the year than the three previous Oscars ceremonies took place (2021’s was in April), but for most of the 20-teens it was in late February, with occasional first-week-of-March shows. So it is later, a little! Anyway, we don’t need to get into a whole thing about it.

When is the Oscars? What time are the Oscars on? Who is hosting the 2024 Oscars?

Aw, yeah, this paragraph is gonna soak up ALL that Google traffic!

The Oscars are this Sunday, March 10th. The show will begin at 7 pm ET/4 pm PT, with a pre-show starting a half hour earlier, on ABC. That’s an hour earlier than in previous years (the earliest ever!). Of course, we’ll be setting our clocks forward the night before, so it will still feel like the same time. Jimmy Kimmel is hosting the Oscars, for his fourth time. In the last 10 years, the broadcast has lasted anywhere from three hours and 19 minutes to three hours 53 minutes. So, uh, plan accordingly.

Here is the full list of 2024 Oscar nominees. I’m really pulling for Paul Giamatti in The Holdovers. I also want to know who Netflix paid off to get two nominations for Nyad. We love our fake biopics, don’t we folks? Nyad!

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The Drinking Game

Every year I try to create a drinking game to coincide with the Oscars. Probably this requires no preamble, but fuck it, I have no editors now. I started this as a way to both make the Oscars more interesting for me, and in a shameless bid to make it feel like an event, even for people who aren’t really “into” awards shows. Mostly I did it to feel less lonely, which is probably why most people do most things.

Trust me, I know how stupid awards shows are, and have written about it at length. Both in terms of the myth of critical consensus and how the Oscars began as a union-busting scheme. Knowing all that, I still find it compelling. Because for many of the people onstage, this will be the greatest accomplishment of their lives. That can make for compelling television! And also because the Oscars telecast is a useful snapshot of the culture. What jokes can you make? Which can you not? Which causes can you support, which can you not? How vague must you be in your support for certain issues and groups?

This year seems especially fraught, both because it’s taking place with the backdrop of… I struggled what to type here for a second and almost went with some vague thing like “contentious world events,” but let’s just call it what it is and say “an ongoing genocide.” The penalties for pissing off the bosses in any industry seem harsher than ever, and this year seems to offer showbiz folks in particular a terrible choice between saying nothing, and possibly getting fired or blacklisted over fairly anodyne statements. It’s also the week after Super Tuesday, leading up to what looks to be the most depressing presidential election of our lifetimes (I hope?). Much backdrop! Many Issue! Historical!

I’ll drink to that, am I right!! (We’re not “making light of tragic events,” just trying to make do).

If you’re a non or former drinker, like my podcast partner, Matt, just replace drinks with Skittles. And instead of “finish your drink,” “finish the bag” and whatnot.

The Basics

A drink is… a drink. Maybe it’s a gulp, maybe it’s “a finger,” just be consistent. And smaller drinks for harder alcohol, duh. Don’t hurt yourselves.

Perennial Rules

A winner cries during their acceptance speech? One drink.

A winner thanks God during their acceptance speech? Two drinks.

The “wrap it up” music starts during an acceptance speech? Drink until the speaker finishes speaking.

“So brave” rule: If a winner calls any other artist “brave” or speaks of “the brave men and women of…”, or references “courage,” everyone has to shout “SO, SO BRAVE!” and the last one to do so must drink.

“My wife” rule. If a winner thanks “my wife,” the last person to Borat voice “MAH WAHFE” has to finish their drink. Ditto for my husband, my spouse, or my partner. MAH SPOUSE!

Serious Topics Rules

Reference to the importance of voting, name dropping Trump or Biden — one drink.

Vague allusions to Israel/Palestine — think “wars,” “strife,” “tragic events,” etc. — one drink.

Specific mentions of “Israel,” “Palestine,” or “Gaza.” - two drinks.

“Ceasefire,” “Hamas,” or “hostages” - three drinks/half your drink.

“Ukraine,” “Russia,” “Putin,” “stalemate,” - Social! Cheers your friends and take a drink.

“Genocide” - finish your drink.

“October 7th” - finish your drink.

“Zelensky.” - finish your drink.

Jokes Rules

Bad joke blamed on AI, one drink.

Barbie or Oppenheimer joke, one drink.

Scientology reference, two drinks.

Specific mention of “Barbenheimer” — the last person to shout “I hardly know ‘er!” has to finish their drink.

Reference to a movie “no one saw”/has heard of, the last person to shout “Nyad!” has to finish their drink.

Elon Musk joke, finish your drink. (I don’t know he would be especially timely, I just feel like there’s always a 50-50 shot).

The Marty or Bobby Lightning Round.

There’s nothing people in showbiz love more than calling Martin Scorsese “Marty” and Robert De Niro “Bobby.” And guess what, this year they’re both nominated!

So: any time someone mentions “Marty” or “Bobby,” the Marty or Bobby Lighting Round is open. After which all one-drink rules count double until the next time someone mentions “Marty” or “Bobby,” closing the Marty or Bobby Lightning Round.

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Phew, okay, that’s probably enough rules for now. Drink responsibly.