Good Job, Conan

Conan O'Brien proved that an Oscar's host is something worth having.

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It seemed strange that Conan O’Brien had never hosted before the Oscars, and it feels even stranger now. He felt like such an obviously good choice that it was hard to believe no one had thought of it before now. I wondered if he’d be too safe, but he put those fears to bed almost immdediately, managing to squeeze in a joke about Karla Sofia Gascón’s tweets into the opening monologue.

“Little fact for you: Anora uses the F-word 479 times. That’s three more than the record set by Karla Sofía Gascón’s publicist.”

Ayyy! He added a little act out at the end and another tag, but it was just enough; didn’t seem like he was milking it. Karla Sofia Gascón was in the audience. They showed a reaction shot, and she seemed fine with it. Imagine that! Jokes, a give and take, no crisis PR reps hired — see? It is possible. It set the tone for the evening.

Speaking of crisis PR reps, I don’t remember any jokes about Blake Lively or Justin Baldoni, which was a bit of a surprise. I didn’t miss them, really, in fact I only thought of them just now. Conclave? “If you haven’t seen Conclave, its logline is: A movie about the Catholic Church, but don’t worry.”

Excellent non-punchline there. Textbook. It might not have gone over so well if the Pope had died during the ceremony, but it sounds like he’s doing better. So again, everything worked out. Hang in there, Pope. Keep on Popin’.

Overall, Conan’s monologue was proof that you don’t have to be afraid of joke premises as long as you write a good punchline (a point Anthony Jeselnik made more than a few times during the press tour for his last special). The first sign of a joke being “problematic” is people not laughing.

All in all, Conan managed to ride a nice line between not being such an insider that he felt like the usual kiss-ass, and not acting like he was above the material or trying too hard to “relate it to the common man.” We know that the Oscars are self-congratulatory and mostly celebrate artsy films no one in podunkville has even seen. That’s what they’ve always been and that’s why they’re great. Anyway, you’re not going to sell the Oscars to people who would never watch them by pandering. “Hey, we know these theatre freaks are weird pussies, but…”

Conan didn’t do that, and instead he came off like a guy who was reasonably familiar with the film world and with awards movies without being some obscure connoisseur. He mostly made knowing and caring about movies seem normal, which was the kind of host we probably needed. Whatever the ratings say, and they probably won’t be that good, it won’t be Conan’s fault. Going to the movies has been declining as a cultural force, and there’s no way around that. I’ve come to appreciate the theatrical experience more and more these past few years, as basically the only place I can go and not be expected to multitask. That’s a rare treat these days. But understaffed theaters and projectionists spread across multiple locations have degraded the experience to the point that it will probably take a while to get people who don’t write about movies back in there the way they used to be. Maybe they never will. No predictions, but I hope it happens. Ideally, there’ll be enough patrons to keep the theaters open but not enough that they’ll be filled with obnoxious hogs. As with everything.

Otherwise, this year’s telecast arguably lacked a “big defining moment” that had everyone talking about it the next day, like the Moonlight/La La Land mixup, The Slap, or people freaking out that the director of Zone of Interest had the audacity to say some very tame things about Gaza. To be sure, people did freak out about No Other Land, a film about Israel destroying Masafer Yatta, a Palestinian village in the West Bank, winning best documentary (which was not presented by former IDF soldier Gal Gadot, as some had speculated). But that freakout was mostly limited to actual Israeli ministers and professional weirdo John Podhoretz. Didn’t seem like it broke containment this time.

At the very least, I did enjoy the sight gag of Rachel Zeigler and Gal Gadot presenting together:

Classic Big Gal/Little gal. Great bit! Give us more mis-matched height pairs! Do one with Martin Scorsese sitting on The Rock’s shoulders.

The big winner of the night? Certainly Anora, which won five awards, including picture, actress, director, original screenplay, and editing. When the nominations were announced, The Brutalist and Brutalist director Brady Corbet were the favorites for Best Picture and Best Director, but by the time I did my Best Picture rankings, Anora had taken the favorite spot. Not sure what accounts for the odds shift, maybe people actually saw the last act of The Brutalist.

I don’t know what the odds were on director or screenplay by the time of the ceremony, but last time I checked, Demi Moore was still a slight favorite over Mikey Madison going into the evening. And so Madison winning seemed like the upset of the evening.

Basically the same thing happened last year in the same category, when Lily Gladstone was the favorite the whole time but Emma Stone ended up winning. It’s hard not to feel a little bad for Demi Moore (less bad than for Lily Gladstone, Demi Moore has at least gotten her share of roles), but I think this was the right choice. Mikey Madison acted her ass off, and Anora was the better movie. As I already wrote, to me the stand-out nominated movies were Anora, Conclave, and Nickel Boys, and so I have no reservations about Anora coming out the winner. The Academy did right by Sean Baker after completely snubbing Red Rocket a few years ago.

According to the New York Times, Anora was the lowest-grossing movie ever to win best picture:

A favorite for best picture, “Anora,” would set a record for the worst domestic ticket sales in the category’s history (outside of a pandemic) if it wins, a distinction now held by “The Hurt Locker.” “Anora” has taken in only $15.6 million despite playing in theaters for more than four months.

In a better world, as many people as saw Oppenheimer would’ve seen Anora, but we all knew that wasn’t going to happen. It was a lower-budgeted indie about a sex worker, featuring drugs, nudity, and no happy ending. That was never going to be a box office smash, not even if this was the 70s or we were in Europe. Hopefully the recognition counts for something.

I could’ve done without the wins for Wicked (costume design, production design — Nosferatu was robbed!), but like I just said, not everything has to be for everybody, and that includes me. Meanwhile, out of its 13 nominations, Emilia Pérez only won two awards: best song and best supporting actress for Zoe Saldaña. Those were arguably the categories it most deserved, and they ended up giving us the most emotional and the most French acceptance speeches, respectively.

Here’s Saldaña’s:

If she hadn’t deserved the Oscar for the movie, she definitely did for that speech. An emotional roller coaster! One of the best I’ve seen. Figuring out how to squeeze in a compliment to your husband’s hair? Priceless.

And here’s Clément Ducol, Camille (just one name), and Jacques Audiard for Emilia Perez:

Is that the most throuple-ass pairing you’ve ever seen? Why is Jacques Audiard weirdly lurking in the background the whole time? At first I thought he might be trying to get in the shot, but it looks more like he was trying to wander around in the background, as a joke. Oh ho ho ho, you leetal sneak! All I know is that if this group sends you a drink from across the bar, it’s going to be a weird evening.

But the best parts of the Oscars are always the weird moments. Speaking of weird moments, here’s Adrien Brody just kind of staying on the stage for as long as possible:

Hey, you don’t get to be a great actor by avoiding the spotlight. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen an actor just dom the entire orchestra like that before. “Hey, cut out the music, I’m going to talk for as long as I want up here.”

And then he stayed there for full 90 more seconds! And didn’t rush at all! Gotta love A-Brode for that. If you’re ever feeling nervous about public speaking, just channel Adrien Brody.

I ended up missing the Best Actress and Best Picture portion of the evening, and apparently a lot of people did because the Hulu telecast cut out before then. Maybe it’s bad to let Disney own everything? Just a thought.

Anyway, I’d say the two biggest winners were probably glitz, followed closely by glamour.

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Full List of Winners:

Best picture

“Anora” - *WINNER

“The Brutalist”

“A Complete Unknown”

“Conclave”

“Dune: Part Two”

“Emilia Pérez”

“I’m Still Here”

“Nickel Boys”

“The Substance”

“Wicked”

Best actor in a leading role

Courtesy of A24

Adrien Brody, “The Brutalist” - *WINNER

Timothée Chalamet, “A Complete Unknown”

Colman Domingo, “Sing Sing”

Ralph Fiennes, “Conclave”

Sebastian Stan, “The Apprentice”

Best actress in a leading role

Cynthia Erivo, “Wicked”

Karla Sofía Gascón, “Emilia Pérez”

Mikey Madison, “Anora” - *WINNER

Demi Moore, “The Substance”

Fernanda Torres, “I’m Still Here”

Best actor in a supporting role

Yura Borisov, “Anora”

Kieran Culkin, “A Real Pain” - *WINNER

Edward Norton, “A Complete Unknown”

Guy Pearce, “The Brutalist”

Jeremy Strong, “The Apprentice”

Best actress in a supporting role

Monica Barbaro, “A Complete Unknown”

Ariana Grande, “Wicked”

Felicity Jones, “The Brutalist”

Isabella Rossellini, “Conclave”

Zoe Saldaña, “Emilia Pérez” - *WINNER

Best director

Sean Baker, “Anora” - *WINNER

Brady Corbet, “The Brutalist”

James Mangold, “A Complete Unknown”

Jacques Audiard, “Emilia Pérez”

Coralie Fargeat, “The Substance”

Best cinematography

“The Brutalist” - *WINNER

“Dune: Part Two”

“Emilia Pérez”

“Maria”

“Nosferatu”

Best international feature film

“I’m Still Here”- *WINNER

“The Girl with the Needle”

“Emilia Pérez”

“The Seed of the Sacred Fig”

“Flow”

Best adapted screenplay

“A Complete Unknown”

“Conclave” - *WINNER

“Emilia Pérez”

“Nickel Boys”

“Sing Sing”

Best original screenplay

“Anora” - *WINNER

“The Brutalist”

“A Real Pain”

“September 5”

“The Substance”

Best live action short film

“A Lien”

“Anuja”

“I’m Not a Robot” - *WINNER

“The Last Ranger”

“A Man Who Could Not Remain Silent”

Best animated short film

“Beautiful Men”

“In the Shadow of the Cypress” - *WINNER

“Magic Candies”

“Wander to Wonder”

“Yuck!”

Best animated feature film

“Flow” - *WINNER

“Inside Out 2”

“Memoir of a Snail”

“Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl”

“The Wild Robot”

Best documentary short

“Death By Numbers”

“I Am Ready, Warden”

“Incident”

“Instruments of a Beating Heart”

“The Only Girl in the Orchestra” - *WINNER

Best documentary feature film

“Black Box Diaries”

“No Other Land” - *WINNER

“Porcelain War”

“Soundtrack to a Coup d’Etat”

“Sugarcane”

Best original song

“El Mal,” from “Emilia Pérez” - *WINNER

“The Journey,” from “The Six Triple Eight”

“Like a Bird,” from “Sing Sing”

“Mi Camino,” from “Emilia Pérez”

“Never Too Late,” from “Elton John: Never Too Late”

Best original score

“The Brutalist” - *WINNER

“Conclave”

“Emilia Pérez”

“Wicked”

“The Wild Robot”

Best makeup and hairstyling

“A Different Man”

“Emilia Pérez”

“Nosferatu”

“The Substance” - *WINNER

“Wicked”

Best costume design

“A Complete Unknown”

“Conclave”

“Gladiator II”

“Nosferatu”

“Wicked” - *WINNER

Best editing

“Anora” - *WINNER

“The Brutalist”

“Conclave”

“Emilia Pérez”

“Wicked”

Best sound

“A Complete Unknown”

“Dune: Part Two” - *WINNER

“Emilia Pérez”

“Wicked”

“The Wild Robot”

Best production design

“The Brutalist”

“Conclave”

“Dune: Part Two”

“Nosferatu”

“Wicked” - *WINNER

Best visual effects

“Alien: Romulus”

“Better Man”

“Dune: Part Two” - *WINNER

“Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes”

“Wicked”