Hitting "post" triumphantly, Vince wiped the sweat from his brow with a hairy arm, then leaned back in his chair and exhaled. In spite of it all, this was fun. No editors on his jock, no having to kowtow to Chad Uproxx and his crew of dockers-sporting coifs. Just freedom to rip it.
His stomach rumbled. There was a hotdog stand down the street, but... Vince pulled out his wallet and opened it to reveal nothing. Realizing he hadn't carried cash in three years, he pulled out his credit card. It had been covered in duct tape with a frowny face and two cartoon flies drawn on it.
His stomach growled more insistently. "I wonder..." he muttered to himself, before getting up and beginning to paw through old desk drawers. In one he found what appeared to be a used silicone butt that had been stored in a tupperware container. Some moisture and residual biological products had generated a thriving micro-ecosystem. Fascinated but still hungry, he filed the container away for another day.
Finally, he stumbled on a loose floorboard and looked down, next to what had been a writer's desk. Kneeling down, he pried it loose and found an entire box of Lärabars, on which was stuck a sticky note indicating "THESE ARE THE OFFICIAL BAR OF LAREMY. FUCK OFF MATT."
Ghostbustiers! Brilliant! How has no one thought of that before now? But yes, this resumption of the old commenters/commenting system is doing a lot for my mental health right now too.
I can't believe the A.I. missed the opportunity for a locker room scene where Rob Schneider kneels down next to Kevin before the fight and gives him a solemn, heartfelt, "You can do this." Then **OSCAR MOMENT** flashes across the bottom of the screen as the scene fades out.
Hitting "post" triumphantly, Vince wiped the sweat from his brow with a hairy arm, then leaned back in his chair and exhaled. In spite of it all, this was fun. No editors on his jock, no having to kowtow to Chad Uproxx and his crew of dockers-sporting coifs. Just freedom to rip it.
His stomach rumbled. There was a hotdog stand down the street, but... Vince pulled out his wallet and opened it to reveal nothing. Realizing he hadn't carried cash in three years, he pulled out his credit card. It had been covered in duct tape with a frowny face and two cartoon flies drawn on it.
His stomach growled more insistently. "I wonder..." he muttered to himself, before getting up and beginning to paw through old desk drawers. In one he found what appeared to be a used silicone butt that had been stored in a tupperware container. Some moisture and residual biological products had generated a thriving micro-ecosystem. Fascinated but still hungry, he filed the container away for another day.
Finally, he stumbled on a loose floorboard and looked down, next to what had been a writer's desk. Kneeling down, he pried it loose and found an entire box of Lärabars, on which was stuck a sticky note indicating "THESE ARE THE OFFICIAL BAR OF LAREMY. FUCK OFF MATT."
One of my first thoughts when Vince announced his Substack was more Tales From The Frot.
So happy you're back.
I always enjoyed these but didn't realize how much I missed them until now.
Cannot wait for your substack.
Ghostbustiers! Brilliant! How has no one thought of that before now? But yes, this resumption of the old commenters/commenting system is doing a lot for my mental health right now too.
This contest is over! Give Vince the $10,000!
I got vodka drunk and subscribed to this last night. Zero regratts.
The return of the comment section would make my life.
What was the name of that Mike fellow who did those really awful movie reviews meant for the lowest common denominator of the uproxx model?
I bet that guy loved ghostbustiers
I'll never forget "Foodsmellas" and your menace poo society where he turns his butt sideways
I wrote the Fartificial Intelligence pitch and Ben never sent me the shirt he promised me. Where can I contact him to rectify the situation?
I can't believe the A.I. missed the opportunity for a locker room scene where Rob Schneider kneels down next to Kevin before the fight and gives him a solemn, heartfelt, "You can do this." Then **OSCAR MOMENT** flashes across the bottom of the screen as the scene fades out.