Top Chef World All-Stars Power Index, Week 11: The Road To Wellingtonville

This week on Top Chef World All-Stars, the contestants filled their pastries with hot beef, as is British tradition.

Each week, I’m keeping a running tally of which contestants on ‘Top Chef World All-Stars’ are up, which are down, and who’s the odds-on favorite to win it all. This post discusses results, so it will contain spoilers for the latest episode.

David Moir/Bravo

This week on Top Chef World All-Stars… a robbery! A travesty! An abomination! I strenuously object to this elimination! I’m out of order?? This whole dinner is out of order!! (*flips over a giant crystal bowl full of smoking ceviche*)

That’s right, I did not agree with the judges’ choices this week. To be fair, I can’t actually taste the food through the screen, but the heart wants what it wants.

I suppose we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Only six competitors remained at the start of this week’s episode, which began, like most Top Chef episodes, with a 30-minute quickfire challenge. It was also a spon-con challenge, which the show tipped off by beginning with Padma and this cool guy in faux-leather pants standing next to a washing machine.

David Moir/Bravo

“My wife and I saw you standing by the appliance section and we liked your vibe. We’d love it if you could join us for a drink at the Genius Bar.”

Notice the subtle color change in Padma’s dress? That’s actually her alter-ego, Ombré Lakshmi.

As Chef Tom quipped, “I’m wondering, what are we going to cook in the dishwasher today?”

Cool faux-leather pants guy was actually two Michelin star chef Andrew Wang, who was there to introduce a challenge sponsored by “our friends at Finish,” a dish soap and dishwasher company. Some of my best friends are brands.

The challenge? To prepare a dish “with a steamed element,” using only enough water to fill one regular-sized pot, split between six contestants. As Chef Gabri added to the camera helpfully, “The culinary industry is actually the biggest source of water waste in the world.”

I’m not a water researcher or anything but I’m fairly certain that isn’t remotely true. According to Chat GPT, the biggest sources of water waste are agriculture, followed by manufacturing and energy production. I don’t know if that’s entirely true either, but I like asking AI because I can get my answer in the voice of Elmer Fudd.

After that challenge, it was onto more serious things. Such as the theme of this episode: Beef Wellington! Which is, according to Padma, “One of the most iconic dishes England’s has contributed to the culinary world.”

Beef Wellington is, of course, named for Leftenant Edward Beef, who famously smothered an entire platoon of French soldiers in hot gravy at the Battle of Agincourt. I’m kidding, it was actually named for Arthur Wellesley, the first Duke of Wellington, who supposedly ate the beef log wrapped in mushroom mince and baked in a pastry to celebrate his victory over Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo — a set of facts Padma delivered to the contestants with all the aplomb of your dad reading a Wikipedia entry aloud at the table. Remember? When you guys asked off-handedly ‘I wonder where they make Pringles’ 10 minutes ago? Guys?

The challenge was actually one of the show’s most difficult: in teams of two chefs, they’d each be responsible for three Wellington dishes: one seafood, one meat, and one dessert; to be served to the judges and 25 diners at Tobacco Dock (which is considered a perfectly cromulent name for a place in England).

THREE meat-stuffed pastries! Not only does that sound nightmarishly hard, it’s the perfect TV show drama dish. The chefs don’t know how it will turn out until they cut into it during the big reveal. Is it overcooked? Raw in the center? Did the pastry turn out flakey? OH THE ANTICIPATION! Oh, and did I mention it would be a double elimination? Stop trying to rush me to the finale, Top Chef! I’m friggin savorin’ over here!

This episode also left me with some outstanding questions. For one thing, the chefs all used store-bought puff pastry, which is a thoroughly understandable shortcut under these insane conditions, but it’s also exactly the kind of thing Top Chef contestants normally get roasted for (waffle-gate, anyone?). The same judges who poo-pooed Sara for using boxed waffle mix a few seasons ago never said a word about it store-bought pastry. VERY INTERESTING.

Meanwhile, none of them used a meat thermometer, which, as far as the show depicted, was never specifically outlawed in the rules. Is this purely an ego thing? I have friends who refuse to use one, as if looking at numbers is suddenly somehow unmanly. Is it just a power move or is there actually some culinary justification for it? It feels to me like when you’d hear older comedians brag about not having any notes on their stool or hidden in the water bottle or whatever. Or when waiters make a show of not writing anything down. No one cares, man! Use whatever it takes to help you do the thing, we only care about the thing! “Oh, did you use a meat thermometer? Did you put it in your sundress pocket there, Sally? I’m a real man. I used a cake tester and kissed it like a lady.

Meat thermometers are apparently soy. And cake testers are alpha.

RESULTS

Quickfire Top: Gabri. Buddha*.
Quickfire Bottom: Sara. Tom. Amar.

Elimination Top (team challenge): Buddha/Gabri.
Elimination Bottom: Sara/Amar**. Tom/Ali.

(*Winner. **Eliminated.)

RANKINGS (+/- change from last week)

6. (-3) Sara Bradley - Top Chef Season 16 Finalist

AKA: Party Mom. Reebok. Sassparilla. Water Mom.

I’ll admit it, when the chefs drew knives and Sara ended up with Amar? I thought to myself, that team is going to have the best chemistry.

I still think I was right! In every single round, the judges called Sara and Amar’s Wellingtons the “most creative,” and usually “the most flavorful.” It was no surprise that the winning team had Buddha, who worked at Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant where he probably made Wellingtons constantly, but when the judges sent home Amar and Sara it was kind of a shock.

—

Bravo

Round 1 Dish: Tuna & Seafood Wellington With Asparagus Puree & Sauce Amercaine.

Reviews: “Good dish, it’s adventurous.” “I liked the crepe.” “Really well-constructed but I feel like there’s some competing flavors.”

Round 2 : Harissa-Rubbed Lamb Wellington with Date and Black Garlic Puree.

Reviews: “I love the braised lamb, and those Moroccan spices work really well.” “I think it’s the most flavorful, and most creative.” “Mine is very undercooked.”

Round 3: Apple Pie Tres Leches Wellington with Apple Puree and Spiced Creme Anglaise.

Reviews: “Very creative once again.” “I thought the sponge was the perfect touch.” “Yeah, but the filo dough is a big of a copout.” “I was charmed.” “I love the spiced creme anglaise, it tastes like fall.”

—

With Buddha and Gabri winning, and only three teams in the competition, it came down to a battle between Sara and Amar, who had committed the sins of an inconsistently cooked, possibly raw lamb Wellington, with a possibly “competing” sauce Americain in the seafood round; vs. Tom and Ali, whose sins included gummy, underseasoned caulflower puree that Tom (Colicchio) thought was yogurt, and underseasoned, possibly also a little gummy onion puree in the meat round.

In the end, the judges sent home Amar and Sara, reasoning that undercooked lamb was a bigger sin than any of Tom and Ali’s food crimes. “Raw lamb, that’ll get sent back,” reasoned Colicchio.

I disagree with this reasoning! It’s very much restauranteur reasoning, to figure, well, that’s the one that’s going to get sent back, ergo it’s going to cost me more money, thus it must be worse. As a diner, call me crazy, but I’d rather have the nicely spiced, creatively-conceived lamb Wellington that’s underdone than a slightly boring, slightly underseasoned traditional one. Who cares if a couple British old farts who’ve never had a rare steak send it back? That’s the price you pay for trying to achieve greatness!

Even from the restaurant owner’s perspective, it seems shortsighted. What’s worse, after all, eating the cost of a few too-rare lambs that get sent back, or the future hit that comes when diners don’t come back to your restaurant because your food is dull and underseasoned? Food getting sent back is the most obvious review, but it’s not the only review. For me as a diner at least, it’d be easier to write off the former as a logistical error that would probably be worked out the next time I came, than the latter, which seems like more of conceptual problem. Give me the restaurant that aims higher and I’ll excuse a little error here and there. Reward big swings! SHOULD I RANT ABOUT THIS LONGER??

In any case, Sara and Amar go straight to Last Chance Kitchen, where they’ll compete with whoever the last chef standing there is. Which makes one of them the odds-on favorite to return. But man, it’s tough having to root against one of the two most likeable characters ever on this show.

Either way, I’m pouring out some breast milk for Party Mom (don’t ask me where I got it, that’s impolite).

5. (-3) Amar Santana - Top Chef Season 13 Finalist

AKA: Big Sleazy. Laughtrack. Hibbert. Flava Flav. Benjamin Button. Mick Jaggery.

Amar opened this episode like he always seems to, cooking unfamiliar foods in unfamiliar ways, and enjoying himself the entire way. Laughing his ass off, at the very least. For what it’s worth, I also thought his quickfire dish looked the best:

Bravo

The steam-fry method seems like it worked like a charm, but apparently his filling was dry, and yeah, I guess that’ll happen when you try to make dumplings from scratch in 30 minutes.

Amar drew Sara in the Wellington challenge, and much was made of Team Papi-Habibi’s forced uncoupling. Sad times for Ali, but it seemed like Amar and Sara made ideal teammates. They both love creative comfort food, and neither would be caught dead trying to sculpt salmon eggs into a giant fish or thickening a ramp jus with agar-agar or whatever.

Which brings us to…

4. (+1) Tom Goetter - Top Chef Germany Finalist, Season 1

AKA: Meekus. Sprockets. F-Boy Tom. Spotted Ox Hostel. Funnybot.

Yes, I like to bust Tom’s balls for his science fair thickeners, but am I wrong? What justification is there for using xantham gum in a caulflower puree? I do have to give Tom credit for “Andrew, what are we going to cook in the dishwasher today?”

Every once in a while, Funnybot works precisely as designed. German engineering!

On the Tom’s Funny Accent front (and yes, I know how rich it is for some monolingual-ass American busting balls on someone who probably speaks four languages fluently, I freely admit that this comes from a place of sheer jealousy), this week brought us Tom’s plan for a “super bloody tasty” scallop mousse.

Why does anyone not British or Australian saying “bloody” sound so awful? It’s like hearing a non-Southerner say “y’all.” Very useful word, but it sounds idiotic if you don’t have the right accent.

Later there was Tom asking Sara about “marzipan,” with Sara thinking he said “maxi pad.” Ha! Menstruating.

But far and away my favorite exchange of the episode was the one between Andrew Wang, who was eating Tom’s scallop mousse in the quickfire round, and Tom. After asking Tom “was this the texture you were looking for on the mousse?” (absolutely never a good sign), Wang put Tom in the bottom three. He went on to explain why.

ANDREW WANG: Tom, the texture of your mousse was very wet.

TOM: Thank you.

GOLD. One of my favorite exchanges in the history of this show.

Another good one was Tom (Colicchio) comparing (F-Boy) Tom to a British grandma, and F-Boy Tom pretending to jump into the review. Honestly the Funnybot was kind of on fire this episode.

Bravo

Round 1: Salmon Wellington with Leek Duxelles, Charred Leeks, and Cauliflower Puree.

Reviews: “It looked great, and I liked that the accompaniments weren’t as rich.” “Overall underseasoned.” “The texture was weird, it was gummy.”

Round 2: Beef Wellington with Onion Puree, Roasted Carrots, and Red Wine Jus.

Reviews: “The cooking of the beef is great.” “Don’t love the onion puree, it’s low on seasoning.” “It’s the best of the beef Wellingtons.” “Also the flakiest.”

Round 3: Apple Wellington with Chestnut Duxelles, Apple Butter Sauce, and Orange Blossom Vanilla Sauce.

Reviews: “It’s like a home-cooked apple pie you eat with your mum and your family.” “Rustic but delicious.” “Airy, light, golden.”

It seems like Ali and Tom were saved by their admittedly delicious-looking dessert. You definitely have to give Tom credit for his chestnut duxelles, that was an inspired idea. I still think they should’ve gotten eliminated for Tom’s unnecessary xantham gum bullshit. How many times does this have to happen before you put down the bunsen burner? I swear there’s one chef every season who absolutely cannot be talked out of his science fair kit.

3. (+3) Gabri Rodriguez - Top Chef Mexico Winner, Season 2

AKA: The Black Pearl. The Mongoose. Wile Y. Coyote. El Mangosto.

Gabri this week managed to grab salmon eggs and get them back to the register in less than 40 seconds, which inspired the other chefs to try to steal my nicknaming job and nicknamed Gabri “El Gato.” He’s not a cat! He’s The Mongoose! That’s El Mangosto in Spanish!

When Gabri talked about being on the bottom five times, and the other chefs started calling him “El Gato,” he said something like “But what matters is how you pounce back!”

I actually couldn’t tell if he said “bounce” or “pounce,” but I chose to hear “pounce.” If he meant it, that’s an incredible pun for a non-native English speaker to pull.

Gabri opened the show revealing that he had bought a farm (“buying the farm” means something different here in the USA) with his mom which is now “in the weeds.” The rub is that the $250 grand prize for this season’s winner could reeeeally help dig Gabri out of his farm hole. I don’t see Gabri pulling it off (being on the bottom five times and all), but I really hope he keeps his farm. Maybe we can start a GoFundMe? Screw these other chefs, Gabri, I wanted to hear about the heirloom corn.

He did start his journey back in the Quickfire round, landing in second place (behind, who else, Buddha) in the steam challenge. This for Gabri’s Sole & Mussel Mixiote with Adobo & Lime Pickled Onions. Basically, some shellfish and sole inside a tamale-style corn dough with an adobo sauce. I’ve had a shellfish tamale once before (yes, with the shells) — at Cala in San Francisco — and as weird as it sounds, holy shit, it was delicious. A steam challenge does seem to play to the Mexican’s strength. All Mexican cuisine needs to be insanely good is some steam, an animal head, and a lot of time.

Round 1: Salmon Wellington with Shrimp Paté, Beurre Blan, With Salmon Caviar and Robuchon Potatoes.

Reviews: “In terms of seasoning and sauce it’s bang on.” “The melted butter eats a little greasy.”

Round 2: Dry-Aged Beef Wellington with Truffle Demi-Glace, Pickled Beetroot & Foie Gras.

Reviews: “Of the beef one, Buddha and Gabri’s was far superior.”

Round 3: Peach Melba Wellington with Almond Frangipane, Raspberry Sorbet & Tonka Bean Creme Anglaise.

Reviews: “I really loved it.” “The construction was beautiful.” “The technique showed more effort.” “This was a restaurant dish.”

I still think Sara and Amar had the most interesting menu — tuna wrapped in seafood sausage sounds more interesting than salmon, lamb loin wrapped in braised lamb sounds more interesting than beef, and I liked the filo dough idea — but it is hard to quibble with the judges handing the win to Buddha and their surely impeccably-executed Wellingtons. I can’t believe they were the only ones to make cool designs out of the puff pastry. And of course, Buddha seemed to know reflexively that the traditional menu would be the best play.

Which is a little sad for Gabri, because here I am in the Gabri entry talking about Buddha. Even after Gabri had a really good week! El Mongosto!

2. (+2) Ali Ghzawi - Top Chef Middle East And North Africa (MENA) Winner, Season Three

AKA: RRR. Maui Wowie. The Strain. The Ghizza. Muhammara Ali.

Ali was notable this week mostly for being the only chef to get a beefcake shot of him with his shirt off. Ooh la la! Charbroil me, daddy.

Shades of Gordon Ramsay there. Did you notice that every episode of the British version of Kitchen Nightmares always found a way to shoehorn a shirtless shot of him in there? Gordon Ramsay is the perfect British heartthrob — face like a shar pei, reasonably fit body, and slightly uncanny hair.

Anyway, this was otherwise your standard episode for The Strain, who yet again skated through fairly easily without winning. With six competitors left, there was still a bottom three in the quickfire, and inexplicably, a top two. I have to think they did that solely so that there could be a middle, and they could put Ali in it.

I don’t know what all Ali did particularly great or badly in this episode. It didn’t seem like he conceived many of the dishes, and I thought they said that he was doing the accompaniments, but the cauliflower puree with the xantham gum was clearly Tom’s baby. The underseasoned onion puree, I guess that was Ali? Hard to say.

It seems like the worst you could say about Ali was that he didn’t talk F-Boy Tom out of his bullshit thickeners. But that’s probably like trying to wrestle a lollipop away from my son in the grocery checkout line (as the father of a 1.5 year old I’ve been learning lately that the “taking candy from a baby” simile is absolute horseshit).

1. (even) Buddha Lo - Top Chef Season 19 Winner

AKA: Moneyball. Double Down. Big Data. Buddha.

At the risk of tooting my own horn (who am I kidding, I love tooting that thing, I’d deepthroat it if I could) I’d just like to point out that last week, after Amar went wire to wire for the victory and Buddha almost went home for bad rice and not even getting a dish on the plate, I still left Buddha in the top spot. Figuring, rightly as it turned out, that Buddha couldn’t possibly have two big screw-up episodes in a row.

It wasn’t exactly a novel observation, I’m sure. Probably no chef has ever looked as much like a lock as Buddha does right now. He said as much himself in the beginning of this episode and it was kind of like, settle down, Buddha, you don’t have say what we were all obviously thinking. What are you, some kind of self-horn tooter? No one likes those.

Luckily this episode also found time for some GRATUITOUS PUG FOOTAGE.

Aw yeah, baby, that’s the good stuff. Smart work by the producers. It’s a lot easier to stomach the Death Star going about its business destroying planets when you remind us that the Death Star used his prize money from last season to pay for his pug’s eye operation. God bless Buddha and his wife, Keitha— er, Rebecca. (This is going to be really funny for the six people who understand that Flight of the Conchords reference).

Anyway, it was mostly another ho-hum style victory for Buddha, winning both the $10 grand from “our friends at Finish,” (shit, man, time to open your own pug rescue) and the eventual challenge.

Did you really think anyone else was going to beat Team Buddha in Wellie challenge? That’s what Buddha calls Beef Wellingtons, by the way, one of those perfectly charming Australianisms that make you wonder how any of the rest of us could’ve missed them. The first time I heard an Australian call my sunglasses “sunnies” I thought yep, that seems right. That nation of provincial ex-cons are the absolute kings of slang. No one touches them.

I’m trying to think of other Top Chefs who seemed as destined for victory as Buddha. Brooke Williamson in her second run, maybe? She ended up winning, of course. Maybe that Finnish guy, Stefan Richter? He got overconfident in the finale and lost by a dessert. I suppose there’s a chance Buddha could get similarly cocky (I definitely don’t see him losing via dessert) but he seems too shrewd for that. TIME WILL TELL!